20 yEaRs oF jOy & pAiN

LAME!!!

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 04:37:59 GMT

LIVEJOURNAL remodle is lame, i don't like it i can't do anything with it anymore. it changed

i'm back!

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 22:03:04 GMT

the last time that i was here was when i was in high school. well, my life is okay. it's not the best but i'm still alive. it's nice to say something here.

1. my mother is a little crazy
2. i need to get my own place
3. my life is hell!

i hate you!

Mon, 06 Feb 2006 19:07:57 GMT

my stupid head. it just won't leave me alone!

he /she said what?

Fri, 06 Jan 2006 17:50:32 GMT

i'm really sick and hearing what the other people has to say about me. more then ever is random people putting words in my mouth.

Tue, 29 Nov 2005 20:37:19 GMT

i so want to do the fuck rant, but i'm not going to. i just felt like the need to type soemthing in here.

i fucking hate your guts! (you know who you are)

Mon, 17 Oct 2005 23:34:52 GMT

You Are a Mai Tai

You aren't a big drinker, but you'll drink if the atmosphere is festive.
And when you're drunk, watch out! You're easily carried away.

What Mixed Drink Are You?

something sweet

Wed, 05 Oct 2005 23:50:34 GMT

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,
Look for a guy who calls you back when you hang up on him,
who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead,
who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats,
who holds your hand in front of his friends,
Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of
how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says,
"...that's her."

Tue, 04 Oct 2005 14:55:04 GMT

I LOVE some of YOU ~~ALL~~ !

XOXO,
-kathy

fuck everyone....

Fri, 30 Sep 2005 15:01:34 GMT

I HATE YOU, THATS RIGHT YOU! ANYONE WHO KNOWS ME! YOU CAN GO FUCK YOUR PETS OR ANYTHING THAT IS NEAR YOU! I'M SO FUCKING TIRED OF DEALING WITH EVERYONE'S BULLSHIT, LYING TO ME! DON’T FUCK AROUND WITH MY EMOTIONS. IF THERE’S SOEMTHING THAT YOU NEED TO SAY, THEN GOD DAMN FUCKING SAY IT! I HATE HOW THIS SOCIEY WORKS! YES, I'M FUCKING HATE EVERYONE INCLUDING YOU! FRIENDS, THEY COME AND GO. SO I REALLY DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHO'S GOING TO BE MY FRIEND OR NOT! IT HAS COME DOWN TO THE POINT THAT I REALLY DON’T WANT TO BE AROUND ANYONE. I FIGURED THAT I WOULD BE OKAY BY HAVING MY SPACE. ISOLATING MYSELF IN MY ROOM, I’VE DONE A LOT OF THINKING AND I FINIALY MADE MY DECISION. I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU OR THIS WORLD. ANYONE WHO IS FLICKING ME OFF, GIVING ME THE FINGER; YOU CAN TAKE THAT FINGER AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS! I'M MORE MAD AT MYSELF THAN AT YOU, IF THAT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER!

maybe in a couple more weeks, i'll be nice again!

Wed, 28 Sep 2005 18:10:10 GMT

1. Reply with your name and I will write something random about you.
2. I will then tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I will pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I will say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I will tell you my first memory of you.
6. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll then ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your LJ.

i need my space

Tue, 20 Sep 2005 00:22:19 GMT

i won't be online for a long time, this is what i have to say to those i so call '~~love~~' care about. i know...i am such the ass for not wanting to talk to any of you sexy people.

jackie: i know that you want to see me and give me something. you did not do anything wrong, i just want to be left along. i just have so much shit to deal with and it's stressing me out. i know that it's nothing compared to what you're going through.

laura: i know that i promised you to go out this friday, i don't think that i will be going with you. i'm feeling down and basicially i want to be left alone for the time being.

natalie(nga): if you can give me a call that would be great.

david: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!

julia: i hope you and i can hang out before you leave. maybe by then we can talk about my problems and your problems.

tiffany: hows college? what happen to sushi night? hehe

bed time story for my daughter jackie

Tue, 13 Sep 2005 18:53:24 GMT

I know this one story that goes on quite often. There once lived a hot, sexy, Drunk Canadian bitch that lived in an enchanted house in the town called, “Bad Lesbian.” Hot, sexy, Drunk Canadian bitch is loved by everyone in the town; well, that’s only because she sleeps with all of everyone. Asian Goddess and Drunk Canadian have been lovers for some years now, but for some odd reason these two are the only ones that never had crazy mad sex. Well, they had tired several times. They’re always try to find time alone for themselves, but for some odd reason they’re always interrupted by T.E. T.E is a horny bastard that always wants tulip from Drunk Canadian or Asian Goddess. Too bad that for T.E, Asian goddess and Drunk Canadian only likes each other, or as so as they say. So T.E was sick and tired of being teased and never got the whole package. T.E could go fuck the people in the Bad Lesbian town, but nobody in the town wants his dick!

The morning of the autumn season, the smell of sex in the air...

'Knock, knock, knock’
Drunk Canadian opens the front wearing nothing
"What a surprise to see you here early this afternoon Asian Goddess."
"What a surprise to see you naked," said Asian Goddess in a seductive tone.
"Well, I was masturbating until you came and knocked on my door."
"Do you want to drink jack daniel's?" asked Asian Goddess.
"I know that it's only in the afternoon, but who said drinking was only meant to be at night?"
"Plus you won't be sober and probably be drunk all night."
"Image you and me getting drunk Drunk Canadian, you know what will happen."

Drunk Canadian giggles along with the face expression of a YES and looking at the jack daniel's bottle! Drunk Canadian grabs Asian Goddess by the arm and drags her inside the house. Soon as you know it, Drunk Canadian and Asian goddess was having mad sex in the living-room. Pushing each other to walls, Drunk Canadian ripping Asian Goddess clothes off, making out madly, and both naked on the coach. Asian Goddess & Drunk Canadian had their fun, but that didn't last so long and they weren't wasted. T.E lives next door to Drunk Canadian; therefore, they were afraid that T.E would peak around the windows because of the noise they were making.

One and a half hour later...

They both decide to take a walk in the Bad Lesbian forest. On their way to the forest they saw someone crying. His name is P.B and still a virgin. He is upset because of the fact that he’s always horny, but never got laid. Drunk Canadian and Asian Goddess looked at each other; they both had a great idea!

“Asian Goddess, you and I can introduce P.B to T.E,” said Drunk Canadian.
“I was thinking the same thing Drunk Canadian.” “T.E has an ass fetish so bad that he want to put his Richard in one.”
“And P.B no longer wants to be a virgin.” whispers Drunk Canadian.
“P.B, do you want to be fucked in the asshole?” questioned Drunk Canadian.
P.B screams, "Please, someone fuck me in the asshole!"

On the day in the Lesbian forest, the blood-shot eyed Canadian and the Sexy great-assed Asian decided to set their plan in motion. Drunk-Canadian grabbed T.E by the raisins and brought him to the crappy lez. Stream, where the tipsy Asian goddess was claming down the sobbing virgin. “T.E, this is P.B” freakishly hott Asian said. T.E. looked shyly at P.B “Hey, my name is Touches Everyone, and you are?” He stuttered. “Hey, I’m Peanut Butter” P.B replied. Upon T.E and P.B’s meeting, the Shitwaffled Canadian and Uber- gorgeous Asian goddess took a walk up Crappy Lez. stream. Glancing back, Sexy Asian Goddess saw T.E. and P.B. clasps hands. P.B shouts “Hey everyone, I’m Gay! Come see how Gay I am!!!”

to be continued...

Jackie:
I am drinking by the way. If anything that doesn't really make sense...ha-ha. Okay I so done... hahaha

daily random thoughs

Tue, 13 Sep 2005 17:24:22 GMT

Ahhh!!! I'm so pathestic for thinking that I love that fucking shit-head. I'm reading my old journal enrties, and in a way they kinda make me laugh. I don't know what i saw in him, besides good looking and a fucking asshole. i'm laughing at myself again, i'm amusing myself. i have issues

school sucks ass. i think i'm late again. I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE!! Jackie, come save me from this shit-hole place!

i work in 3 hours, i'm so not looking foward to it!

HELP!!!

Mon, 12 Sep 2005 19:18:51 GMT

"Midevil knights, weapons, and castles"

i get off school around 2:00 and i have work at 3:00 to 6:00 night. i know it's my responsibility, but as of right now i don't have a computer at home because of my dumb mother threw it away before buying another one.

the library closes at 9:00pm. doesn't give me a lot of time to do reseach. i'm only asking for help from anyone who has free time. a website or a book's name. anything.

life, full of surprises

Fri, 09 Sep 2005 14:20:37 GMT

i don't know what is wrong with me and i don't understand myself. sometimes i'm ahead and sometimes i'm beind, in the end it's just myself. i'm looking and seaching for something, but i don't know what i'm seaching for. school, home, and night outs is my life so far. what is it that makes me happy? every thing i do, every step i take leads me into a pithole. i want to complain, but what is there to complain about. sometimes i wonder, is my life full sin? is it because i think too many negative thoughts? i hate me

feeling great

Tue, 06 Sep 2005 14:03:52 GMT

school is not my thing. i do sometimes do enjoy being here, when i'm in the right mood. i am in a good mood, but i don't feel like being here. i figured that i would be happy, i guess not.

as for summer, i didn't have such a great one. i try to make the last 3 weeks of my summer to be a blast. i want to espicially thank jackie. spending time with me almost every singal day and i will still try to since school is starting. i love being with you. i finally got to be free and have fun like how everyone is supposed to during the summer. met 2 crazy new guys; yet, they are awesome to be with. they make me happy.

i'm so am done with serious relationships...

Fri, 19 Aug 2005 19:51:39 GMT

i'm always putting myself in a situation to the point where i feel miserable. knowing that something that can't go on and still i push myself to make it work out, but it only makes the everything worse. not only the situation or the problem gets worse, but it caused more stress and probelms for the both. i drove him crazy, and he drove me carzy.

i've been in 6 different no-stop relationships and i do believe that it is a lot for me. my shortest relationship was 6 months! i've really never had a break to be singal. i do hope that i can do what i say. right when i break up with one there is another one right away, and i'm not kidding. i DO NOT go looking for men, but they appear in front of me. i only had a 3 month break and i met alekx. i guess i just need to stay away from men. i want to feel the freedom of doing anything i want and play around.

i'm not 100% happy, but i'm some what happy. glad that its just me and try to have an awesome 3 week summer. cause it's back to school soon.

couping with emotions

Wed, 10 Aug 2005 03:56:24 GMT

Feeling exhausted I can’t do anything; taking my days slowly at a time. Learning to face the truth and the fact of being single again. I just never expected to be so hard on me. Other than that, I’m dealing with physically health, and it’s not easy at all. This is something that I don’t want to deal with ever in my life. I thought that last summer was the worst summer of my life. I’ve never felt so ill physically and mentally. i need to find happiness in myself before i start a new realionship.

If there were many tears falling down,
Every heart would become gentle.
If everybody expresses what they think,
Every heart can be satisfied.

untitled

Mon, 08 Aug 2005 19:59:45 GMT

I must be stupid
Must be crazy
Must be out of my mind
To say the kind of things I said last night

Why did I let you walk away?
When all I had to do was say I'm sorry
I let my pride get in the way (the way)
And in the heat of the moment I was to blame

I must be stupid
Must be crazy
Must be out of my mind
Now in the cold light of the day I realize

If only wishes could be dreams
And all my dreams could come true
There would be two of us standing here in front of you
If you could show me that someone that I used to be

mixed emotions

Mon, 08 Aug 2005 13:08:32 GMT

a little bit of hate, a little bit of anger, a little bit of furstration, a little bit of missing you, and with a pinch of LOVE. it's enough to drive me crazy.

seems like just yesterday
you were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
your arms around me tight
everything felt so right
unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong

no I can't breathe, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am
once again
i'm torn into pieces
can't deny it, can't pretend
just thought you were the one
broken up, deep inside
but you wont get to see the tears I cry
behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
opened up and let you in
you made me feel alright
for once in my life
now all that's left of me
is what I pretend to be
sewed together but so broken up inside

no I can't breathe, no I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am
once again
i'm torn into pieces
can't deny it, can't pretend
just thought you were the one
broken up, deep inside
but you wont get to see the tears I cry
behind these hazel eyes

swallow me then spit me out
for hated you I blame myself
seeing you, it kills me now
though I dont cry on the outside anymore
anymore

Here I am
once again
i'm torn into pieces
can't deny it, can't pretend
just thought you were the one
broken up, deep inside
but you wont get to see the tears I cry
behind these hazel eyes

Here I am
once again
i'm torn into pieces
can't deny it, can't pretend
just thought you were the one
broken up, deep inside
but you wont get to see the tears I cry
behind these hazel eyes

you don't love me

Sun, 31 Jul 2005 04:02:11 GMT

sometimes i wonder if this relationship is worthwhile. you can't be a man enough to help me what you have created in me.

know there's something in the wake of your smile.
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea.
You've built a love but that love falls apart.
Your little piece of heaven turns too dark.

Listen to your heart when he's calling for you.
Listen to your heart there's nothing else you can do.
I don't know where you're going and I don't know why,
but listen to your heart before you tell him goodbye.

Sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile.
The precious moments are all lost in the tide, yea.
They're swept away and nothing is what is seems,
the feeling of belonging to your dreams.

And there are voices that want to be heard.
So much to mention but you can't find the words.
The scent of magic,
the beauty that's been when love was wilder than the wind.

the lack of trust

Wed, 20 Jul 2005 00:54:02 GMT

I know that I have done things that are wrong and I know that he has done things that are wrong. But I also know that not everyone is perfect.

All I asked was trust, all I needed to know if he trusts me. I didn't mean to make things to explode. I guess I should have told him that I decided not to go, maybe that would be the situation better. I couldn’t say it because I was more focused on the argument than what I had said.

I could've said the truth, made him go to jail. But I know that I could never live to what I would have done. There was more love than hate going thru my mind. I’m just sad that he can't feel the same that I have for him. I just don't understand why.

When I’m with him, my mother gets mad at me. When I’m with my mom, there's trouble in the relationship. It is so hard for me to please two people at the same time.I know that I should think things over before what I say. I don't think that I'm the onlt one, saying things that I don't mean when I'm mad.

You truly don't know what you have that is so great, wonderful, and precious until it is gone. I alwys think of that, yet I still lose things in my life. Makes me wonder what it that i have done wrong.

Break-up

Mon, 18 Jul 2005 20:34:45 GMT

Ever loved someone so much that it was so hard to let go? And separation seems to be the only solution to make life easier, because there were too many problems going thru the relationship?

There are lots of things that he has done to me that was not right, and things that he has done that still hurt me emotionally. I can't blame everything upon him, because I wasn't so perfect myself. He meant everything to me, though it may not seem like it. I love being around him and spending time with him, and when I get to close to him I would push him way, because I was afraid of falling in love; afraid of getting hurt.

I guess him and I just got sick of each other and needed our space. It breaks me heart that he's no longer in my life. I really want him and me to friends, but I know that will never happen. There are things that I've said and done, and I wish that I could go back and fix what I have done. And I know that he feels the same way. Everyone deserves second chances, or maybe more. Did I give him too many?

Sooner or later him and I would have to end, not much to be sad about i guess. A great introduction that lead to be friends. A friendship to lead to a relationship. A relationship that lead to love. Love that casued someone to get hurt. And it starts all over again.

Jackie:
If you're reading this I just want to tell you that I truly do understand how you felt when you were with _ _ _ _. When with the person there is this feeling of love and comfort that never had much of when growing up. Knowing that the relationship is unhealthy and cruel there's this indescribably, mysterious feelings/emotions that are there. Enjoying the time with the significant other and the same time you’re trying to find ways or reasons to break it off with him. When the relationship is over there is this feelings/emotions going thru your mind; sadness, hopeless, and just bunch of tears or sometimes not. I could be wrong at what I’m saying, and I hope not. Still I love him dearly, i try not to focus too much on the bad times. Eventurly, I shall be happy I understand what it means to be single again.

Whatever, what the hell do i know about love, i'm only 18.

Fri, 27 May 2005 16:38:18 GMT

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

very true about me!

http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyouridealrelationshipquiz/

questions

Wed, 26 Jan 2005 19:33:08 GMT

Ask me four questions, no matter how personal, dirty, private or random. I have to answer them honestly.